Lady of Lohikärra Read online

  “Maybe it’s time for a break. Kamira, you seem tense right now,” I said, mimicking some of the things I’d heard the older female abthanry say.

  She turned to me with a sneer and I smiled, saying nothing.

  As Kamira opened her mouth, Lady Salla stood up and said, “Oh, I think Queen Ina has the right idea. As much as I love sewing, I need to stretch these old bones. Kamira, would you be so kind as to walk with me?”

  Kamira shut her mouth and grimaced. “Of course, Lady Salla.” She slowly walked over to the door as Salla hobbled over. Unless something had happened recently, I knew Haldrek’s aunt was exaggerating her limp. Though still older than either Haldrek’s father or mine would have been, both Salla and Taimi were by no means ancient.

  Once they left, I looked down at my work. It wasn’t as fine as the others’ work, and the critical voices in my head grew louder with every stitch. Still, I kept at it until the only people left in the room were myself and Hrimfax’s mother, Lady Taimi.

  “You know, I struggled with my sewing for many years. No one understood why I couldn’t just do it when my sisters—Salla included—did it like they were born doing it.”

  I looked up at her, my heart still heavy, and smiled. I knew she was trying to help. Taimi and Salla were a few of the only people I truly felt safe around here, outside of Haldrek. Even if I didn’t quite trust them with my innermost thoughts, they were still good women. “The sewing isn’t the only thing bothering me.”

  “I figured out that much as well. You have a lot to deal with and…not much experience with it.” My eyes widened as she waved her hand.

  “I don’t mean that as an insult or to make you think you aren’t capable. You are capable. If Rhaegos bound herself with you, then you are probably the most capable of us all. You’re just having to learn quicker than the rest of us have. But you are absolutely capable of that too.”

  My smile returned and I nodded. “I know. I just wish the learning curve wasn’t so steep. Even Mattie seems to have adapted to being thegn quickly.” Despite my own miseries, my chest felt lighter, thinking about Mattie. She and Llamryl, despite a small challenge from a former gesith, were now solidly ruling Andrattür from Mirratoft.

  “Lady Mattie also had a thorough tutelage in Lohikärran customs through her father’s stories. You have said as much.”

  “Yeah…” So had I. I hadn’t delved as deeply into the lore and video game world of Lohikärra as Mattie, but I’d played the games and knew a lot of the lore that had been put into them.

  She stood up and walked over next to me. “I also sense that you’re still grieving, which is completely normal. Especially after the loss of a child.” She squeezed my hand in comfort.

  “How did you know?” My mind raced, trying to figure out how Taimi would have known. As far as I was concerned, only Haldrek and Mattie knew. Possibly Llamryl as well, but beyond that…

  “I only bore two living children. Hrimfax and his older brother, Ulmer. But they were neither my first time with child, nor my last.” Her eyes glistened as I turned to her. “And a quick illness took Ulmer when he was a child.” Tears fell from her eyes as mine got blurry. “All this to say, I had a suspicion when you suddenly fell ill for a long period and then returned to public view looking more worn out than before.” She hesitated. “Haldrek may have also sought me out to ask advice on how to comfort you, which confirmed my thoughts.”

  Her words brought tears to my eyes and I started bawling as she put her hand on my shoulder for comfort.

  “It’s never an easy experience, and it is normal to feel raw for many months afterwards. Especially when someone starts saying crude and awful things, like Kamira. She doesn’t know a single thing about what’s going on. She still has much to learn. Maturity to attain. Things you already know too well.”

  I nodded, wiping my eyes and nose with my sleeve. “And here I thought things were going to get easier.”

  Taimi laughed. “Things don’t get easier as you grow older. You just get stronger. Not that it doesn’t still hurt, but the weight isn’t so heavy.”

  I nodded. “That’s good to hear. It still hurts, but it’ll get better. Right?”

  She nodded as well and took a step back. “Something that may help in the meantime is some fresh air. I think that is a cure for everything. Unless you are needed elsewhere, I would love your company while I—how did my sister phrase it?— stretch these old bones.” She laughed and offered her arm to me.

  “You’re right, maybe fresh air will help. I don’t have anything that I can think of, so I’d love to.” I took her arm in mine and we headed out into the rest of the palace.

  Chapter 2

  Lady Taimi was right. Getting fresh air did wonders for my spirit. Even in the height of summer, a brisk cool breeze made its way through the outdoor parts of the palace, keeping our walk pleasant. Both my mind and body felt lighter in the refreshing summer sunshine. Making our way into the city, I made sure not to go any faster than Taimi was comfortable with, though she was still energetic enough that I questioned her excuse about old bones.

  A few guards trailed us as we made our way through one of the rebuilt marketplaces. More of the perks of being the High Queen. I still hadn’t gotten used to them, but I tried to ignore them as much as Haldrek or the other abthanry did. Heavenly scents helped distract me as we paused near a stall with a variety of fresh fruits and small pies the size of my palm.

  “My queen! Care to try a sample? I have the best honey and cloudberry tarts you’ve ever tasted.” The vendor scrambled to give me a small hand pie designed to look like some kind of flower or even the sun.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever tried that before.” I turned to Taimi and she nodded.

  “They are delicious. In both Svarhestån and Heidrunefoss, cloudberries are considered lucky. Or at least they are eaten at various celebrations to ensure good luck in the coming days. I’ve certainly made a glutton of myself in my younger days with those pies.”

  “Then I may have to try one.” I took the pastry from the vendor and opened my mouth to take a bite as an anguished scream shattered the market’s buzz. All the people around us turned to see what was going on. The pastry was pulled from my hand, and I saw one of the palace guards wrap it up and slip it away. I grimaced, remembering why for a brief moment before returning my attention to the situation at hand.

  “Please, don’t! I beg of you! It’s not her fault!”

  “Get off of me, you vile wench.”

  I moved through the crowd with Taimi as I heard a baby begin to scream. My heart froze and I pushed forward until I saw the open space in the middle of market. A man held a naked baby by its feet and struggled to untangle himself from the woman laying on the ground, her arms wrapped around one of his ankles.

  “What is going on here?” I snapped.

  The man turned his attention to me. “Nothing that concerns you, my queen.”

  The baby continued squalling, its cries becoming more frantic and in pain. Without thinking, I grabbed the child from him and wrapped it in the cloth hanging from my sleeves. Palace dresses were more decoration than anything, but at least the yards of fabric on this dress could serve a purpose.

  “What are you doing? This does not concern you!” The man grabbed for the child as the woman began bawling again at his ankles and I ducked away from him. Two of the guards who had been following Lady Taimi and me stepped out of the crowd and toward the man. He put his hands up and stepped away from me.

  “The well-being of my people is my concern,” I snapped. “Why are you dangling a newborn baby in the middle of a market?” The child was now quiet except for a few muffled whimpers. “I can’t think of a situation that calls for that kind of behavior.”

  The man’s face reddened with anger. “I am ridding my family of a bane. This child is an abomination. A disgusting reminder of my wife’s whorish nature, and I am getting rid of it like the trash it is.”

  “This child is a human being.” My voice, despite being soft and low, was apparently ominous enough for the man to step back.

  “That child is a half-breed. While I was out fighting with Thegn Heidrunefoss, my disgusting excuse of a wife was spreading her legs for every Blodnar soldier she could find.”

  “That’s not true!” The woman wailed and looked up at me. “The Blodnar…” Her face twisted with anger and humiliation. “They took what they wanted, even if I refused. I never willingly laid with a Blodnar soldier.”

  “Yet you bred with one!” The man turned on his wife and shoved her away with the sole of his boot. “Everyone knows you can’t be with child unless you enjoy the act. Did the Blodnar please you more than I ever did?” He took a menacing step toward her, and I nodded for the guards to restrain him.

  “That’s not true.” I snapped. “None of that is true.” I turned to the woman and glanced back at the child. It was still a newborn, but it had to be at least a few months old. My heart twisted with pity and I tried to keep my composure. “If you became… if this child has a Blodnar father, why did you keep it?”

  The woman sank her head down. “I… I couldn’t. The babe, she didn’t cause me harm, and my husband and I have wanted children for so long. I thought—”

  “You thought I’d raise some half-breed brat as my own?” He moved toward her, stopped only by the guards holding him. “How stupid are you?”

  “Enough,” I snapped, my patience gone. “This woman—your wife—has already dealt with enough misery. You shouldn’t be adding to it.” I focused on the woman. “Do you wish to raise this child?”

  She kept her head low, not returning my gaze. “I—”

  “Of course not. Why would she? If she has half a brain—”

  “I asked her, not you. Shut your
mouth, ceorl, or I will shut it for you.” My fury surprised me and apparently him, as he stopped fighting the guards’ grip on him.

  I turned back to the woman as she shook her head. “If I am not with my husband, I have no way to care for my child.”

  Glancing down at the child, my heart twisted further. There was no way in Lyrroth, Hell, or Fargo I was going to abandon this baby or let it perish. But what exactly could I do? Lady Taimi placed her hand on the back of my arm as if to steady or comfort me.

  I turned to her. “Is there no place in Drattüjert for abandoned children?”

  She shook her head. “Not that I know of. You could create one. I’m sure there are many abandoned or orphaned children now who could be raised up.”

  “Maybe that’s what I’ll do,” I said softly before turning to the woman. “If there is no way for you to take care of your child with his help,” I scowled at the man still held by my guards, “I can ensure the child is taken care of.”

  The woman looked up at me with hesitation and wariness, but after a moment, she nodded.

  “If, in the future, you need work to earn a few coins, there are always jobs in the palace to be done.” I smiled at her, hoping she saw the opportunity. She nodded once more and rose to her feet. Glancing at the child for a moment, she bowed and slipped away.

  As soon as she was gone, I gestured for the guards to release her husband. He rubbed his shoulders and sneered at me.

  “The High King should put you in your place if he wants to be respected.”

  Before I could react, he darted off after his wife. An ominous weight dropped to the bottom of my gut and I turned to Lady Taimi. She smiled.

  “Times are never boring with you, my queen. Shall we return to the palace?” She glanced at the child snuggled in my arms. “I have a feeling my nephew will want to hear about your latest endeavor.”

  By the time we returned to the palace, my anxiety had shifted from panic to determination. Why hadn’t we created a place for orphaned and abandoned children? Solvange had had one in Svartån, so it wasn’t unheard of, but had they ever had something like that here in Drattüjert? If not, there absolutely should be one.

  Lady Taimi and I arrived in the throne room just as a petitioner left. Haldrek had his head in one hand and I could tell he was tired. Next to him stood one of the many advisors who had returned to Drattüjert after we reclaimed it. For the most part, I ignored these men, as they ignored me. They cared more for Haldrek’s ear than mine, and I’d learned to tolerate it for the time being. As Haldrek looked up at me, his demeanor brightened. At least for a moment. Then he cocked his head to the side as he stared at the baby in my arms.

  “Ina…you’re holding a baby. Whose baby is that?” He turned to Lady Taimi and asked, “Why do I have a feeling you have something to do with this, my dear aunt?”

  She laughed and shook her head. “Your wife is something else. She has my approval.”

  He turned back to me and I tried to grin as brightly as I could. “I think we need to create an orphanage of some kind here in Drattüjert. Like what Solvange had in Svartån.”

  “All right…what does that have to do with the child, though? Is it an orphan?”

  “It was abandoned. I got in the way of a man trying, at the very least, to injure the child, if not kill it.”

  “What of the mother?” The advisor, a man by the name of Gizur Englisson, butted into the conversation with his question and I grimaced.

  “She didn’t want to abandon the child, but her husband forced her to choose between him and the baby, and she admitted that she could not take care of her child alone.”

  “Why would a man want to abandon his own child?” Haldrek stood up and closed the distance between us, the advisor following a few steps behind him. As Haldrek reached me, he stared at the child as if it held some great secret.

  “Haldrek… you know as well as I do the violence of war. The woman was raped by Blodnar soldiers. So her husband rejected the child.”

  “And he has that right, High Queen Ina,” Gizur blurted out. I glared at him, annoyed that he was taking part in a conversation he wasn’t supposed to be joining. “A man doesn’t have to take care of a child that isn’t his.”

  Irritation flashed through me. “But does he have the right to kill a child? I’m not saying he should be forced to take care of this child, but the child didn’t exactly choose its parents either. It shouldn’t be punished because of the actions of its parents.”

  Haldrek exhaled, shifting his attention between me and his advisor. He reached out, rubbing my arm in an attempt to comfort me. “You are right. A child shouldn’t be held to blame for its parents’ misdeeds.” He hesitated, as if trying to find the right words. “I believe the Priests and Priestesses of Tenelth have some kind of orphanage here in the city. Or they did before the Blodnar invaded. Not that I am against creating another place here, but—”

  “Taimi said there wasn’t any kind of orphanage that she knew of.” I glanced at her and she nodded as I gently touched the child’s forehead. “Would they treat the child like a human being, or would they act the same way as the Priests of Tenelth did with the Hethurin at Svangendom?”

  “I don’t know.” Haldrek’s voice was soft. “Are you afraid that will happen?”

  I nodded, turning my attention back to him. “I’ve already heard people call children like this one ‘half-breeds.’ And I know how the Priests of Tenelth are with the Hethurin.”

  Gizur cleared his throat loudly. “With all due respect, Queen Ina, there is a valid concern about the ‘half-breeds’ as you call them. For all we know, they could grow up here and then side with their elven or Blodnar kin. That’s not a weakness we need right now.”

  I turned my full focus to Haldrek’s advisor. “Considering how the main person antagonizing us right now is a full-blooded Lohikärran thegn-heir, and considering how many Hethurin have loyally fought for me, I don’t see that as a valid concern.” I held the child out. “Does this child scare you?”

  The man stepped back. “My queen… I know you didn’t grow up here, but—”

  Haldrek put his hands between us as I pulled the child back toward me. He faced Gizur. “I believe this is a conversation best left between my wife and I.” He then glanced at his aunt and she nodded, walking over to the advisor and taking him by the shoulder. I heard her mutter something about ‘her old bones’ as she pulled him out of the room. A smile crept to my mouth.

  “Ina.” Haldrek’s voice pricked at my heart and I focused on him.

  “I know we have a lot on our plate in restoring Drattüjert, but I was thinking about it. If these children have a place where they can grow up, be safe, and I dunno, learn skills to help them in the future, they’ll be less likely to turn away from their Lohikärran roots. It’s like the Hethurin. What my dad did in Svartån worked and even when their neighbors hated them, the Hethurin knew that they were part of Svartån and there was someone there who would stand up for them, who wouldn’t abandon them.”

  “You can’t save everyone, Ina.” His voice was soft as he leaned over me.